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Thread: Never thought I'd be a single Mum of 5!

  1. #1
    Registered User LucyMum's Avatar
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    Never thought I'd be a single Mum of 5!

    Precisely the title, there hasn't been any new threads in here for a long time so thought I'd start one!

    4 weeks since he left yesterday, well to be honest, emotionally he went in May though still living here and sharing the same bed.

    This last week I've been much better, I was so upset and cried for days before he left. I was emotionally and physically exhausted with simply trying to persuade him to stay.....but nothing was going to, one can't hold on to someone who doesn't want to be here!

    How do you cope, how do you get over the terrible rejection, that they believe there's someone better out there..

    How do you get over the fact that your partner of 20 years has walked out, leaving you with a house that needs so much work doing, no end of work, stress...and five kids, two of which are messed up and two who are very young? All that investment, all that trust....

    I honestly don't think I can ever do it again.
    LucyMum The 42 yr old One Tubed Lady
    Out of difficulties grow miracles, Jean de le Bruyere

    Cheering for super sticky BFPs for all the ttc fab fertile fogies

    Mum to Daisy (14), Rosie (12), Ruby (8), Eira (4) & Nerissa born 19/2/16
    MC July 2007 6+3wks Babaloon,
    MC August 2011 10wks, little Tiny Ears RIP babies, we will never forget xxx

  2. #2
    Lucy, hugs. Don't know what else to say. Every step you take is going to take you further away from the past and towards your future. One step at a time.

    Many years ago I left a relationship, no kids, no tie-ins, nothing, just that young craziness of love I was not even fully aware of... so I can't compare it to your situation apart from that it caused a total nuclear devastation of my young life for many years. I allowed it to rob me of most of my twenties. So I kind of do know, and yet it's different, of course. Like a phoenix we arise from the ashes even when it seems like it's all burnt down to oblivion.
    Mama to two miracles - K born Dec 2011 and T born in Mar 2016

  3. #3
    Registered User LucyMum's Avatar
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    Hiya Savannah, thanks and sorry to hear you really went through it too in your 20s. I had a similar thing too though it wasn't a long relationship, just a uni one but it left me devastated for a couple of years too and I actually think I missed out on quite a few opportunities....

    We certainly do arise from the ashes... I guess with kids we just have to keep going don't we.

    Ruby was very upset today because there was something on at school for parents and there were loads of Dads there, she got into the car and burst into tears. I wish I could give them the stability and security I grew up with, though my Dad was no saint he certainly never left us.

    I think he's coming up tomorrow to look after the littleuns whilst I take Daisy to a sixth form open evening. I don't even know if she's ever going to go to college around here, all depends on whether we stay around here but I know she has to apply.

    It's all a huge pile of limbo at the moment!
    LucyMum The 42 yr old One Tubed Lady
    Out of difficulties grow miracles, Jean de le Bruyere

    Cheering for super sticky BFPs for all the ttc fab fertile fogies

    Mum to Daisy (14), Rosie (12), Ruby (8), Eira (4) & Nerissa born 19/2/16
    MC July 2007 6+3wks Babaloon,
    MC August 2011 10wks, little Tiny Ears RIP babies, we will never forget xxx

  4. #4
    That's crap for Ruby, poor girl. Hope the open evening goes well X

    And thanks X I totally know what you mean by "missed out on other opportunities". I definitely did too, and who knows how things might have turned out. I do wonder more than sometimes. Yet, in the middle of our emotional devastation, we would not have been capable of seizing these other chances. Wish I could turn back time to give myself a good slap or to save myself from the heartache by running away before it got too late.
    Mama to two miracles - K born Dec 2011 and T born in Mar 2016

  5. #5
    Registered User LucyMum's Avatar
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    Hiya, Ah yes, the open evening was good. She came home and did her application straight away.

    Ruby and Eira got upset this evening after a Skype call with him. He was absolutely fine, they just get emotional after seeing him

    Oh definitely me too. I met a couple of really nice guys in the aftermath of the university love! I likely needed a good slap too.

    I'm determined not to mope around like that this time. I was so gutted when he left though it was hardly news, he'd decided to go four months before. The trouble is I don't think the kids thought he'd actually do it, maybe I didn't either....don't know, he's been threatening it for so long.

    I don't know if I can go back now even if he wanted me to
    LucyMum The 42 yr old One Tubed Lady
    Out of difficulties grow miracles, Jean de le Bruyere

    Cheering for super sticky BFPs for all the ttc fab fertile fogies

    Mum to Daisy (14), Rosie (12), Ruby (8), Eira (4) & Nerissa born 19/2/16
    MC July 2007 6+3wks Babaloon,
    MC August 2011 10wks, little Tiny Ears RIP babies, we will never forget xxx

  6. #6
    Glad the open evening went well for Ruby. Hope she gets her place! What is she planning to study?

    I reckon you could never forgive him for everything that had happened even if he crawled back begging to return. You've been through the mill with it all Lucy. I bet it's changed you even if you don't realise this yourself
    Mama to two miracles - K born Dec 2011 and T born in Mar 2016

  7. #7
    It sucks doesn't it! Me and my husband broke up in june. im still struggling to come to terms with it. I can just about accept that we weren't happy but im really struggling with feeling like a failure maybe. All I ever wanted was to see us all grow up as a family. mum dad and kids. I hate shared birthdays and Christmas's. Separate holidays. I never wanted any of that im struggling to accept it. Like everyone keeps telling me im sure it gets easier but I don't know how to get over the fact that we'll never be a family or the fact maybe one day they'll have a step mum too

  8. #8
    Registered User LucyMum's Avatar
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    Hiya Savannah, Sage xx

    I'm beginning to think that now Savannah. At first when he went I was almost begging him to consider coming back when we'd both had help with our issues...

    And he returned a few days later and said when the dust had settled we'd talk but we had a conversation a few weeks back when he came up here and it all came back... how bad he's made me feel about my life choices, the guilt of taking him down a road he didn't want to go....

    I'm not sure now I could ever really forgive him for what he's put me, but especially our kids through.

    Sage really sorry to hear you've been going through the same thing Has your husband moved out? I've struggled with the sense of failure and indeed the rejection too, I've felt stripped of most of my self worth. One invests so much in a relationship, the whole family and when it doesn't work out it's devastating Same here, I never wanted to be single, having to start again at this age, all I wanted too was to grow as a family and be happy together. I also wanted him to accept me for who I am which unfortunately I don't think he ever has.

    Yes separate Christmases, holidays, not good People have told me it gets easier too. I'm feeling better about it all now, for the moment anyway (I'm fully expecting to have ups and downs). I've sorted the finances for now and we've just been away over half term with my Mum, and I managed actually to enjoy it and hardly think about J.....first time in a long while. I didn't want to come back to this house with all the memories, made me realise how much we need a clean break.
    LucyMum The 42 yr old One Tubed Lady
    Out of difficulties grow miracles, Jean de le Bruyere

    Cheering for super sticky BFPs for all the ttc fab fertile fogies

    Mum to Daisy (14), Rosie (12), Ruby (8), Eira (4) & Nerissa born 19/2/16
    MC July 2007 6+3wks Babaloon,
    MC August 2011 10wks, little Tiny Ears RIP babies, we will never forget xxx

  9. #9
    Yes my husband moved out in June. the rejection is probably the hardest. It makes me feel angry too because I did everything for that man and put up with a lot of crap with him. Its a weird one I am pleased I am no longer with him. We originally split 4 years ago when he left for another woman. within 6 weeks he finished it and pleaded for me back. I was stupid enough to let him but it massively changed the way I felt towards him. I saw him in a new light and he became very self obsessed and is a massive narcissist. My life had become constantly revolved around him and his emotions and what he wanted. Hes a very selfish man and not the best father. However despite my feelings towards him I still feel robbed of the family I always wanted. 4 months down and im definitely use to him not being here and like it. The thought of starting again makes me so sad. I cant ever imagine trusting another man. He had a new girlfriend within weeks which didn't surprise me (hes already cheated on her multiple times) He hasn't introduced the boys to him yet which I guess will happen soon.

    Youre right there are ups and downs but I do think I have more ok days and the odd horrible day. Im glad you have your mum for support! I also think im finding that hard I only have a cousin and my Dad left alive so I don't get any help really...however I don't feel that different because he didn't really do anything anyway!!

  10. #10
    Registered User Cass's Avatar
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    Iím so sorry Lucy, I hope the girls are doing well. Iím sure that youíll all be absolutely fine now that you can concentrate on each other x


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  11. #11
    Registered User LucyMum's Avatar
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    Hiya Sage, Cass

    I feel very lonely when I'm on here now, no one else around...

    sage, your ex sounds a bit similar to mine. I'm really sorry to hear he cheated 4 years back, that must have been awful. I don't think J has ever actually done anything but I know he's had feelings for others - like the woman at work he wrote about (I know I shouldn't have read what i did), it hurt so much to know he was thinking there is someone better than me out there, and this woman has a really good career, probably full of self confidence, just don't think I could ever match up to someone like that

    And yes, I think he's a bit of a narcissist too, and extremely self centred and lacks empathy. He only seems to see that he's given me children when he perhaps didn't really want them, what he doesn't see are all the allowances I've made for him - like I've had to accept that he wasn't really the man I dreamed of - one who would enjoy the kids with me, put me and the kids first (at least some of the time), someone who would listen to me and care for me and our kids. I did the vast majority of the work too, which is why, practically, it's not much different to be honest, maybe even easier in many ways as there's not so much washing and clearing up to do...

    I am feeling happier too though, I'm getting used to him not being here and actually quite like it.

    I don't think he;s going to want to come back but I'm not sure I want him to if he does....

    Cass thanks The girls are certainly better than they were - Ruby is still quite down though even she seems to be improving....doesn't help that she also has issues at school. I think the house is happier overall, certainly less stress and walking on eggshells xx
    LucyMum The 42 yr old One Tubed Lady
    Out of difficulties grow miracles, Jean de le Bruyere

    Cheering for super sticky BFPs for all the ttc fab fertile fogies

    Mum to Daisy (14), Rosie (12), Ruby (8), Eira (4) & Nerissa born 19/2/16
    MC July 2007 6+3wks Babaloon,
    MC August 2011 10wks, little Tiny Ears RIP babies, we will never forget xxx

  12. #12
    We are still here Lucy Xx
    How I miss the old forum!!!!!
    Glad you are sounding brighter. and that the girls are starting to get more settled in a happier house
    Mama to two miracles - K born Dec 2011 and T born in Mar 2016

  13. #13
    Registered User Cass's Avatar
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    I am here too!
    Also glad you are feeling happier and that the girls are ok. No-one is going to be happy all the time, but Iím sure you will cope really well with it. X


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  14. #14
    I found out last week that my husband had another affair. After I let him back the first time, he had an affair for a year. absolute pig! I hate him but im definitely mourning being "happily married" even if it was all fake. The thought of having to start again and build that trust with someone when I thought id never ever have to leaves me feeling numb!

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