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Thread: How much gaming is too much for a 14 year old?

  1. #1
    Registered User LucyMum's Avatar
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    How much gaming is too much for a 14 year old?

    Hi,

    I'm a bit uneasy about posting about this as it's regarding my eldest daughter who is 14..... Okay I'm probably a dinosaur and all that but I'm getting concerned about how much time she spends playing games. My OH rebuilt one of his laptops for her for her birthday and since she's had that in her room she spends nearly every spare moment gaming on it! When she's not on her laptop she's on the tablet the girls share, or her phone playing games, and she'll even do it when we're out which is really beginning to annoy me.

    And if any of the gadgets are removed (due to bad behaviour) she gets really aggressive. I've seen a definite change in her over the last year or so - she's quite withdrawn and doesn't seem to want to do many of the things she used to enjoy. I realise this is all part of being a teenager yet she used to be such a bright little girl who used to want to get involved with everything. She's still doing really well at school (though she doesn't seem to have half the homework our 11 year old does which is a bit odd), I just worry though that it's taking over and there's so much more she could be doing. Her Dad doesn't really see it as a problem because he's similar - well he's not a gamer but he isn't without his phone, and he withdraws from the family most of the time in preference to whatever he's doing online etc. He says I should leave her alone! My mother said today she looked ill and sad! She's been on the gadgets all weekend, wouldn't come out with the rest of us (her sisters and I).

    What do I do? Has anyone had any experience (I know most people on here have younger kids)? Is it best to leave her alone and hope she grows bored of it?
    LucyMum The 42 yr old One Tubed Lady
    Out of difficulties grow miracles, Jean de le Bruyere

    Cheering for super sticky BFPs for all the ttc fab fertile fogies

    Mum to Daisy (14), Rosie (12), Ruby (8), Eira (4) & Nerissa born 19/2/16
    MC July 2007 6+3wks Babaloon,
    MC August 2011 10wks, little Tiny Ears RIP babies, we will never forget xxx

  2. #2
    My nephew was like this. He was awful if anything stopped him from playing. His behaviour just got worse and worse, so aggressive and threatening towards his mum.

    Eventually she started taking it off him for bad behaviour, at one point he didnt have his xbox for about 4 weeks, at first he was going crazy but that only made his punishment longer, she didn't give it him back until he found other things to do to keep busy and stopped asking for it. He basically had to break an addiction.

    Now his time is limited to 1 hour per evening once he's done his homework and it gets taken away for 2 days for bad behaviour.

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  3. #3
    I found gaming to be really addictive as a teenager/early 20s. I don't generally think people get bored of it as it has such a high reward feedback that it becomes almost physically addictive thus the aggressive response when someone can't get the "fix". If it was me with my kids, I'd limit them to maybe an hour a day maximum, but that's just because of my personal experience and how it massively affected my own studies/life.

    Excessive gaming has other health implications too: DVT, migraines, poor eating habits etc. I always felt physically horrific and very detached and disorientated after a long gaming session.
    Mummy to two girlies aged 6 and 7




  4. #4
    Its such a hard one. I was obsessed with games as a teen. Forever on sims and rollercoaster tycoon. Days and days on it! But its not affected my life? I work. I have friends. I go out. They don't turn you into some sort of monster?! 2 of mine are very big on gaming. And one less so but has a serious Lego addiction! Its actually my son with the Lego "addiction" I worry about more! When the other two go out to play he wont. He stays in his room and builds. He doesn't like to do it with anyone and likes to be on his own. He hates socialising or even playing with his brothers. But gaming is more bad right? As its technology. Nobody would worry about a child playing with lego for large amounts of time x

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  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Sage View Post
    Its such a hard one. I was obsessed with games as a teen. Forever on sims and rollercoaster tycoon. Days and days on it! But its not affected my life? I work. I have friends. I go out. They don't turn you into some sort of monster?! 2 of mine are very big on gaming. And one less so but has a serious Lego addiction! Its actually my son with the Lego "addiction" I worry about more! When the other two go out to play he wont. He stays in his room and builds. He doesn't like to do it with anyone and likes to be on his own. He hates socialising or even playing with his brothers. But gaming is more bad right? As its technology. Nobody would worry about a child playing with lego for large amounts of time x

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    It's not the gaming so much that's the problem though is it, it's the individual's reaction to the gaming. If they're the kind of person to become aggressive or become withdrawn for example when the game is taken away as OP said then there is more of a problem there. In my experience one person can be perfectly fine with games but the next person might find it problematic in that respect.
    Mummy to two girlies aged 6 and 7




  6. #6
    Yes I see what you mean. It is scary that a game can make people feel a certain way. For now mine like Lego games and Minecraft but I do worry when they get older at all these horrible games that are aimed at teen boys. Why its fun to go round mindlessly killing with all the graphics is ok in the world confuses me slightly! There's enough violence in the world I find it slightly strange that's its acceptable in video games and TV. I always tell the boys not to kill the animals on Minecraft ha

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  7. #7
    aw its too much isn't it there is no way I will be letting the boys have those sort of games anytime soon. I'm sure when they are all teens it will be a problem but I'm not a fan of them at all! hopefully they'll be geeks like their mum and prefer the strategy games. I cant stand mindless violence on tv full stop.

  8. #8
    my 13 year old is on her phone 24/7
    my 17 year old is on his pc 24/7
    my 15 year old not so much he watches tv goes running ect
    my 9 year old about half the day on youtube ect
    the younger ones only a few hours a day

    they are all different but its such a big part of life these days

  9. #9
    Registered User LucyMum's Avatar
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    Thanks ever so much for your replies everyone and sorry for not coming back sooner xx

    She's been a bit better with the gaming recently because her phone has been broken (won't charge) and OH has only just ordered the part to fix it. Her behaviour has been quite bad recently (fighting with younger sister, rudeness etc) so she's spent quite a bit of time without the laptop and the phone will be fixed when she improves.

    We've introduced a few new rules too - firstly she has to do an hour of homework and also a few chores when she comes home, and then following that she can have free time on whatever gadget she wants until 7.30 when they have to go away

    We used to limit them to an hour but she always went over!

    Nom, it's great to hear from someone with first hand experience. Games were big when I was a kid but access to them wasn't as easy and they weren't nearly as good! She does seem to lose track of time and she has quite a few headaches. When she's been on the screen for most of the day at the weekend she's definitely more agitated and moody, and its hard to get her motivated to do anything else.

    Yes, she loves the Sims, Minecraft and also some other game she plays online with her friends. Yes some of those violent games are awful, my brother has them! Luckily she doesn't seem to want to play them - I do really think they de-sensitise teenagers to violence etc. We don't have an Xbox though I know they'd like one, only a Wii - the games on that seem fairly harmless though she was addicted to that a few years back too - as you say, I think she's got that kind of personality.

    The aggression hasn't really got that much better though I think a few weeks without her phone has done her a lot of good. I don't think it helps that she's started periods recently either.

    I'll keep you posted. I am trying to get her to do other things and not to be so confrontational about it (I don't know, teenage girls seem hell bent on doing the opposite to what we suggest). Definitely, introducing the rules has helped too - they are better for knowing what is expected etc.
    LucyMum The 42 yr old One Tubed Lady
    Out of difficulties grow miracles, Jean de le Bruyere

    Cheering for super sticky BFPs for all the ttc fab fertile fogies

    Mum to Daisy (14), Rosie (12), Ruby (8), Eira (4) & Nerissa born 19/2/16
    MC July 2007 6+3wks Babaloon,
    MC August 2011 10wks, little Tiny Ears RIP babies, we will never forget xxx

  10. #10
    Yup teenage girls uggg


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  11. #11
    Registered User LucyMum's Avatar
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    Babies are easier......

    Our 14 and 12 year olds are the most disruptive in the house!!! They scream and shout and argue, and there are hormones flying about everywhere! I'm hoping that by the time Nerissa gets to be a teenager we may have got the hang of it
    LucyMum The 42 yr old One Tubed Lady
    Out of difficulties grow miracles, Jean de le Bruyere

    Cheering for super sticky BFPs for all the ttc fab fertile fogies

    Mum to Daisy (14), Rosie (12), Ruby (8), Eira (4) & Nerissa born 19/2/16
    MC July 2007 6+3wks Babaloon,
    MC August 2011 10wks, little Tiny Ears RIP babies, we will never forget xxx

  12. #12
    I think hormones cause the anger not screen time. I do hate what they all deem ok to send each other. a friend has trouble with her boy they all send each other snaps chats of body parts. hes always looking a cleavage shots of girls from his class! its just notmal to them! likes for likes can get a bit out of hand too.

  13. #13
    Registered User LucyMum's Avatar
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    Oh yes, my 12 year old has shown me this Snap Chat thing; she's got a whole network of her friends on Instagram as well. I think I'd be more concerned that she'd do something like that than Daisy, though I guess one can never get too complacent!

    I was quite proud of Rosie. There's a boy in her year who was being bullied online and she went to the year leader to report it with another girl.

    But yes, the number of photographs these kids post.....they put so much out there online!
    LucyMum The 42 yr old One Tubed Lady
    Out of difficulties grow miracles, Jean de le Bruyere

    Cheering for super sticky BFPs for all the ttc fab fertile fogies

    Mum to Daisy (14), Rosie (12), Ruby (8), Eira (4) & Nerissa born 19/2/16
    MC July 2007 6+3wks Babaloon,
    MC August 2011 10wks, little Tiny Ears RIP babies, we will never forget xxx

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