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Thread: Guess I belong in here now!

  1. #1

    Guess I belong in here now!

    My partner of 8 years and I have recently finished, I'm 26wk 4 days pregnant and pretty much terrified of being a single mother. It's not what I envisaged for my life at all. I'm moving back to South Wales as I don't have the same support network up here in the Midlands.

    He has fallen for his yoga teacher and I found out. I would like to say a massive bolt out of the blue, well it still kind of is after 8 years but his mother had a massive heart attack at the end of February and basically he's really reassessed his life and erm I'm not part of the future plans. There was a lot of messing about, fibs, the like but it is a million percent done now and has been nearly 3 weeks.

    It's starting to get nasty now, allegedly I have broken up his yoga teachers marriage as I emailed the husband about what my ex had told me. I've been really restrained and dignified considering the situation, even the email wasn't that bad (I'm a Law graduate so I wouldn't be going all bat **** crazy and slanderous in an email) but God I feel mean even though I don't think I've done anything massively wrong. I think too much and my ex knows this and will exploit it to make me feel crap.

    Ahhh well I'm not being drawn into it all, I'm currently in Wales getting my head around everything at the moment. I'm hopefully sorting out seeing a solicitor this week, map out access etc. I'll be living 200 miles away in South Wales from where I used to live so this is going to be an interesting case of co-parenting. As he wants to be 'fully involved' even though he hasn't bought anything for her, been involved in sorting things out for her, it's all been my family and his mother, who I'm quite close to. But then again I have to do what is right for my daughter not me.

    All over the place and finding the upheaval and loss of pretty much everything I've known for so long difficult. My life has turned into an episode of Jeremy Kyle in a matter of weeks. Mental!

    However I'm also very fortunate in that I've an amazing support network here in Wales. My family, although infuriating and domineering they have rallied around me. I'm staying with my parents whilst I have her and get myself sorted then I'm moving into my grandmothers house, she's moving to my parents. I will be working in my family business again until I go off to uni next year to do my MA in Social Work which I've wanted to do for a while. When one door closes another one opens hey?

    I think I just wanted to hear stories of hope from other ladies who have been in similar situations and how you've managed, progressed, succeeded etc. I am so mixed up at the moment, Christ you can see that just from this email!!!!

  2. #2
    Registered User Boc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Highlands of Scotland
    Hey, sorry to hear about that. I became single in September when my LO was 9 months old. It's scary to begin with but fine once you're in the swing of it. If you have family support nearby then you will definitely be just fine

    Excuse the short replies & typos... Typing one handed whilst entertaining a toddler

  3. #3
    Registered User charliebeth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    on my mobile, pretending not to be on this forum
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    I don't have the experience of being a single mum, but I do know what it's like to be dropped from a height like that (my ex ditched me for a fella just two weeks after I lost our baby). I'm so sorry you're having to face this.

    Badly timed break ups like this can be for the best though. If someone can crap on you like this when you need them the most, you're better off without them. And if it's any consolation (no matter how petty, hee hee, no harm enjoying a little pettiness sometimes) if she wasn't willing to tell her husband and leave him her self then I doubt that this "thing" of theirs will last.

    As you say, when one door closes etc.... It sounds like you're getting a good life set up for you and your LO. And we're all here on the forum when ever you want us!

  4. #4
    Ditto what Charliebeth said... Sounds like he doesn't deserve you, and his timing is lousy... My ex left me directly after a miscarriage, and that was tough, but I'm so pleased now as I met the guy I'm meant to be with. The same will happen for you, and you will also have a gorgeous little one, and a good career by the sounds of it.

    I came back to my family in south wales when it went tits up for me too, and after some time to patch myself up it's been the best move ever...

    Good luck with mending yourself and just put you and the LO first for a while x x
    Make a pregnancy ticker

    This will be our first baby and is long awaited and will be so loved

    Our 5 angel babies will always be missed and never forgotten x x x x x

  5. #5
    Registered User raina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Hi! My OH left me 3 days after my 12week scan. I didn't see him at all through the pregnancy and has never seen Millie who will be 2 in September!
    I had to move back home for support but its been good! I wont say its a walk in the park but its not hell on earth either. To me, its the most rewarding thing I have ever done.

    Tip tap tapping on the moby!

  6. #6
    Me and my ex split up when Callum was 2, he's now 6 this month and he's had my husband in his life since he was 4.
    My ex doesn't bother with Callum but my husband is an amazing dad to him.

    You think you will never get over it but you do and you're happier than you ever were! It's not easy but it's so rewarding xxx

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  7. #7
    Thank you everyone for your kind, constructive and supportive replies. It means a lot. I think i will be asking lots of questions in the near future. I'm quite overwhelmed about everything that's ahead of me. I'm not even sure what he's going to be like, I can't predict what he's going to do, I don't know him anymore.
    It'd make my life a heck of a lot easier if he wasn't involved in her life but I don't see him doing that. But I also don't want my daughter to miss out, but it is gonna kill me to share her with him after what he's done. I feel like I'm constantly battling so many emotions. I keep trying to be rational about everything, he just doesn't love me anymore doesn't mean he won't his daughter, or not want to be in her life.

    The drama is starting to wane, I still haven't heard from my ex.

    I heard back from the ladies husband this week, he was lovely, painted a different kind of picture to the venom I had off my ex the other week. He agreed a line had been crossed with the amount of communication that had been going on but that she never had any intention of leaving to be with my ex or that anything actually happened. But when people are unhappy (or unhinged) they latch onto anything I suppose.

    Im glad that that chapter on it all is closed, I'm attempting to let it all go and get down to the nitty gritty that my ex no longer wants to be with me and trying to accept that.

    The next few weeks are going to be hard as I've got to go back up to the Midlands for work and money reasons. I will be coming back to Wales end of June at the very latest.
    am going to be shuttling between the house we live in and his mothers. It's going to be a form of torture, going back to a place I love and have been happy, saying goodbye to my job, packing my home up, you know things like that. My other dog

    We won't be having any contact again or seeing each other, I'm cutting him off, he is avoiding the reality of the situation.

    Then end of June I come back to Wales. I'm not sure what I'm going to do regarding access and the like making sure my daughter knows her father. I know I have to do what is right by her, what is fair and so on but it feels really, really hard at the moment. I can't muster that up at the moment. I'm treading water to be honest. Taking it day by day.

    Ooooohhhh I'm not dramatic much am I?

  8. #8
    Ah hun, I'm sorry. I don't have any advice but there are plenty of fantastic single parents. Sending lots of hugs xxxxx
    Breastfed for 3 years, 11 months and 2 weeks!

  9. #9
    Hey, so sorry to hear this has happened. You sound extremely switched on and rational and pragmatic about it all though, and at such an early stage, go you!

    I'm still in a mess and on an emotional rollercoaster with my break up, which was 3 months ago. Ex of 5 years left me after kissing another girl, when LO was 16 months old. I'm disabled so still rely on him heavily to help with our baby, and we work together, sitting next to each other in an office. I was determined to try & keep things amicable but it's not really working.
    Finally got PREGNANT in my 7th year of ttc No.1 !!
    Diagnosed with primary ovarian failure in 2010.
    1st cycle of DE IVF at CRM London January 2012
    from 4 days after our 5 day blastocyst transfer!!

    Very Honoured To Have Won 'GREATEST SUCCESS STORY' in the PF Awards 2013

  10. #10
    Aww thank you for getting in touch Alleycat. Sorry you're in such a crappy situation, you are so massively strong to be doing what you are doing for your little un. I get where you're coming from about being amicable, I'm going to really, really struggle with it. I admire you so much. I want to kill him atm especially as the story of him and the other woman is still unravelling, the HUMONGOUS lies that are still going on and coming out, he was cheating, is still chasing her and vice versa. He has no interest in the pregnancy or baby, 3 texts since we split, two bollocking me for contacting the other woman's husband!!!!!!! And one apologising for hurting me and that he'd be there to support and guide our daughter through life. Wtf?!?!?!?!? I'm just waiting for the inevitable now, them getting together. Her poor husband and kids. Then again I did warn him in a very polite way. He's booked a hotel in the Cotswolds for them end of June n they are still texting each other and she's on holiday abroad with her husband and kids. No shame!!!!

    I'd be ok if he'd just been honest. But he hasn't, he's been weak, pathetic he is totally wrapped up in this other woman. I can't get over how completely unbothered he is about his daughter coming. But then again his mother said 'he obviously didn't want his daughter enough as he chose to risk everything for her.' His MOTHER!

    Im looking forward to the day when I feel better about all of this and can laugh at his stupidity. Also to going out and having a few drinks!!!!

    Alleycat, as I've taken over my reply to you with my ranting (i am SO in the anger stage) please feel free to PM me, would be lovely to have a moan together about our spineless, pathetic exes


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