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Thread: Son doesn't want to go with his dad

  1. #1

    Son doesn't want to go with his dad

    What would you do if your 3 year old didn't want to go with his dad anymore? Would you not force him to go or send him off with him upset? I haven't been forcing him to go, but his dad thinks I should just let him take him even if he is upset. What would you all do? I have tried to find out what the problem is, but not getting any specific answers. Am I doing the right thing by not forcing him to go?

  2. #2
    Registered User BetelGeuse's Avatar
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    Just subbing to reply later, as we have been on both sides of this (my son not wanting to visit his dad, and being told that the girls didn't want to see their dad, my husband) xx


  3. #3
    There are so many possible variables it is difficult to comment ie how often does his dad have him, for how long, are there any concerns, has it happened suddenly/gradually/one off, was your son tired/under the weather, has anything changed in your life/household or that of his dad etc etc.

    I've no direct experience as such as my ex doesn't see Jessica but I've had times Jessica has got dreadfully upset and not wanted to come with me before. It's horrible and upsetting but it was tough, she had to come with me and once she was with me she was fine.

    My OH has his 2 year old son (at the moment) every Tuesday, through to Wednesday 4pm and one day and night at the weekend. He cries most pick ups when OH takes him from his mum. He's stopped by the time he is in his car seat though and is always content when here. If he hurts himself/wakes at night/is poorly, he cries for daddy so although he clearly loves his mum, he is perfectly secure with his dad too.

    Have you talked to your ex about your concerns? Has he taken him before when he's got upset and did he settle, how long did it take etc?



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  4. #4
    Well to be honest I don't think his dad has seen enough of him since he was born and he hasn't got a proper bond with him. For the first year he came to see him roughly every 10 days for an hour on his way to work (night shift). He never took him out when he was a baby, only to his (parents) house and that was only about 5 times a year. Two years ago, he got into a relationship, but I wouldn't let our son meet her until his dad started spending more time with him and bonded with him. Since he got with her, he saw him less and even went weeks without seeing him. He took him home/out 5 times altogether last year and only came to see him at our house 29 times for an hour each time. He only started taking him out to the park etc when he was 2 and that was with his parents. He's never spent any time with him on his own. Him and his girlfriend had a baby at the beginning of this year and that's when I let my son be involved with her as I wanted him to have a relationship with his brother. Since then, he started taking our son home/out every week or every 2 weeks. He went with him ok but his dad said he was quiet, especially with him. Then after a few months, he said he had been upset the whole time he was there. The next time, he seemed upset about going with him, but didn't cry, so I let him go. The next time, he cried and said he didn't want to go, so I just couldn't let him go. Ever since then, he's not wanted to go with him. When he comes to see him at our house, he's very shy with him and hardly says anything. Only the odd visit is he his usual talkative self. Sometimes they all come and see him and he's fine with his step mum and baby brother, but quiet with his dad. He's never had any one to one with his dad though. He's unable to visit on his way to work now, so they all come when he has a day off. And everytime he took him out this year, they all went. As a baby, he only ever bathed him once, pushed him in his pram once. Never really did anything with him, but he's doing it all with his other son. I feel sorry for my son and think that he will resent him when he's older because I won't lie to him about what he was like.

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