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Thread: May be a single Mum

  1. #1
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    May be a single Mum

    I might be a single Mum when my LO arrives

    I live with my Mum and 16 year old sister in a 3 bedroom house currently.

    The boyfriend is a gambler (he has spent over 100 tonight) and he drinks (he was supposed to come and sort out our argument but instead he insisted on getting drunk with his so called friends).

    We went out for a meal last night and at the table when we were waiting for our dinner, all he was doing was messaging his work mates because they were out getting wasted, and its all he spoke about. I was so scared to say anything because we would end up arguing.

    Today I woke up at around 3pm, because of my sickness. He had been playing golf with his dad all day and the plan was to pick me up after and to go to his parents house for a family BBQ in the evening with their close family friends. Didn't happen. He got all wound up, replying slowly to my messages and lied to me saying he was helping his dad with the BBQ when he was actually at a pub with his friends. He called me an hour later so drunk (this was about 6pm), and said he had spent all his money in his wallet on gambling (he had way over 100).

    There has been other situations but I just cannot be dealing with it. I have tried so hard to keep calm due to my pregnancy. Over the past month or so, we've spent 3 weekends arguing, last weekend was lovely, and now this weekend has gone down hill.

    My question is to single Mums in a similar situation to me, what benefits did you claim if you still lived with your Mum? (My parents are divorced so its just my Mums income), how did you go about the Father seeing your child (I will never stop my, I think now ex-boyfriend, from seeing his child but I would want the child to be safe, maybe in a children center, and not be around his friends who do bad stuff, and also when he isn't drinking either.) and most of all how did you cope? My child will have to sleep in the same bedroom as me. My I think now ex-boyfriend says he wants custody over the child, when he works, hangs around with people who do bad stuff, drinks, gambles and works! I am fuming! I don't work now because my job was temporary, and also I don't go near anyone who does bad stuff!

    Sorry for the long paragraphs, I just need advice!
    Jo

    I saw my little wriggling bump on:
    2/8/13 @ 9+5!
    27/8/13 @ 13+2!
    3/9/13 @ 14+2!

    Team Pink or Team Blue??


  2. #2
    Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I lived with my mum and my sisters when I had my first as I was a single mum then and was entitled to claim income support and child benefit as I wasn't working. This was 13 years ago and now you can claim child tax credit as well for your baby as back then the payment for the child was included in the income support but i believe that how it works now is that you get income support for yourself and child tax credit and child benefit for your baby.
    In regards to the access arrangements for your baby I'd suggest possibly seeking legal advice or contact your local citizens advice centre as I don't know how you'd arrange him seeing baby in a supervised contact centre if you wasn't happy for him to have contact with the baby unsupervised.
    Also, think about whether you want to name him on the baby's birth certificate as well as the law changed in 2003 and if the father is named on the birth certificate then he automatically has parental responsibility for the baby so will have equal rights to you x

  3. #3
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    Thank you Catch22.

    The only problem about the birth certificate is that if I don't put him on the birth certificate, I will get a lot of harrassment from him and his family. I'd be worried that I'd get done for not putting him on it if they take it further as I know he is definitely the Father.

    I will speak to my citizens advice centre and explain my situation.
    Jo

    I saw my little wriggling bump on:
    2/8/13 @ 9+5!
    27/8/13 @ 13+2!
    3/9/13 @ 14+2!

    Team Pink or Team Blue??


  4. #4
    if you don't choose to put his name on the birth certificate he can't take that further. You can't get done. You don't have to name the baby's father but like someone else said the father has alot more rights if you do, equal rights I think
    Gemma 23 Sean 13 Leo 11 Isabella 7 Tayler 5

  5. #5
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    Thank you Catia.

    I hate being in this situation, I never thought I'd land in it because he wanted to be with me for 9 years (4 of them were our last 4 years of secondary school!) And now its turned into this.
    Jo

    I saw my little wriggling bump on:
    2/8/13 @ 9+5!
    27/8/13 @ 13+2!
    3/9/13 @ 14+2!

    Team Pink or Team Blue??


  6. #6
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    He's just called me up on his way back from ice hockey practice... Drunk! And acted like nothing had happened! Men... I don't know why I bother! Sorry for the rant
    Jo

    I saw my little wriggling bump on:
    2/8/13 @ 9+5!
    27/8/13 @ 13+2!
    3/9/13 @ 14+2!

    Team Pink or Team Blue??


  7. #7
    Registered User KatKaya's Avatar
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    I have no advice jo but just to say you deserve better. My mum was an ace single mum ;-) good luck tho x
    Tapataptap...

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by KatKaya View Post
    I have no advice jo but just to say you deserve better. My mum was an ace single mum ;-) good luck tho x
    My mum was a fab single mum too! And I wasn't too bad either the first 4 years I was on my own with my daughter til I met my hubby : )
    Women have amazing strength and resilience, good luck to you Jo xx

  9. #9
    Member MissScarlett's Avatar
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    You don't have to put him on the birth certificate but he does have the right to be on it and can apply to the court to go on it. But there's no prosecution. I just don't know who pays costs.


    Welcomed Leffy's Olivia to the world 26/07/13

  10. #10
    Surely he has that right to be named as the father on his child's birth certificate? It shouldn't be something you only agree to if he treats you well. He is still the baby's dad at the end of the day and there is no question about that is there.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by lol View Post
    Surely he has that right to be named as the father on his child's birth certificate? It shouldn't be something you only agree to if he treats you well. He is still the baby's dad at the end of the day and there is no question about that is there.
    This.
    My dad was/is a waste of space yet he is still on my birth certificate. Think it would of caused upset for me not knowing or wondering why my mum didn't put my dads name on there.


    Expect typos - holding baby & tapatyping!




  12. #12
    I was thinking exactly the same as 'lol' & 'oneday' as I was reading through the thread. Although your OH/Ex is being an arse at the moment, he is still the father & is entitled to be on the birth certificate. Your child also has the right to have his/her father on their birth certificate. Once the baby is born, if your OH/Ex wants to be involved & you don't trust him with your child's safety, THEN you take it further & say you want supervised visits. I am by no means condoning what your OH/Ex is being like but you have to do what is best for your child in the long run.



  13. #13
    If the op has concerns regarding the partners suitability/safety to look after the child and she puts his name on the birth certificate she is, in effect, giving him parental responsibility and would not be able to say no to him having equal rights over seeing the baby unless she took it to court. I feel that both parents should be named on the child's birth certificate where possible but if this is going to cause a problem with the child's safety then it may not be the ideal thing to do. The other parent can always be added at a later date x

  14. #14
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    Thank you for all the replies. My OH is still being a complete idiot. I am still deciding or not whether to stay with him. I wake up each day not knowing how he is going to act towards me, which is why I am glad I don't live with him. Some days he will be really caring towards me, others he would be the complete opposite. When I had a bit of a bleed he was worried, and took it out on me in the car on the way to the hospital! He even admitted he took it out on me after. He moans when I don't feel well enough to do things, as my pregnancy is making me feel so ill. I'm surprised he went to my first scan with me, and he's coming to my second in a week and a half.

    I have decided I will put his name on the birth certificate as I want my child to know their dad. Reason being is I had a bit of a hard time with my dad when I was growing up, and it's only the past few months he has actually had a decent bond with me. He was over the moon when I told him he is going to be a granddad so I was happy with that. He is even giving me some savings which my granddad left for him to give to his children when they have children so I will have a bit of money to help me with.

    I guess I'll just have to wait and see how my so called OH acts over the next few months. I moan way too much about men
    Last edited by _Jo_; 16-08-2013 at 12:09 AM.
    Jo

    I saw my little wriggling bump on:
    2/8/13 @ 9+5!
    27/8/13 @ 13+2!
    3/9/13 @ 14+2!

    Team Pink or Team Blue??


  15. #15
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    I 100% wouldn't put dad on birth certificate, I'd be too scared as he can just take the child whenever and police can't do a thing. But that's just the way I am
    gone

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