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Thread: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

  1. #31
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    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by Lou
    What I tend to do is give Isaac choices but I make sure I am happy for him to choose any of them For example if he won't put his coat on i'll say "you can put your coat on in here then go outside, or you can wait till we are outside and then put your coat on". He then thinks he is making all the decisions but really I have won because no matter what he chooses he is going to have his coat on!

    I do also allow him to think about choices sometimes too. For example he keeps asking for ice cream between meals. He knows he is not allowed it apart from for his afters only as a treat every few days or so. When he asks for it between meals I say "you can have ice cream after dinner when mummy says or mummy will have to throw the ice cream away and then you won't have it at all" then I tell him to think about it. He never asks for it again until after dinner. But then he will still try his luck again the next day and be given the same reply from me and my response never changes, he still asks though For this reason I have had to banish all cookies and crisps and chocolate from the house, if its not in the cupboard he can't have it!

    I've learnt that with children you need to remember that we are alot more clever than they are and with the help of careful negotiation, distraction and kind manipulation you can achieve most things without stress and drama Its often with me a case of having the time and patience to put these techniques into action I naturally have little patience but its something I am working on and have been since Isaac was born. Patience is so important when it comes to kids I think.
    great ideas! i'll remember these for when my LO gets older!
    Claire xx

    ( I'm on an IPhone! Sorry for any predictive text randoms!!!)

  2. #32

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    I've only just seen this.
    Thanks Kalia, what a brilliant and informative post.
    I am going to follow those links and read more.
    Lucyx

  3. #33

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by Lou
    Just wanted to say that with regards to teaching little ones to be gentle there is a brilliant book called, wait for it.....Be Gentle by Virginia Miller. This book has taught Isaac to be gentle with our cat and just in general really, so it might help for anybody having problems with LO's being spitefull or a bit 'not so gentle'
    Ooh I may try this...Olivia is going to totally torment the cat otherwise. (As soon as she is quick enough to catch her!)

  4. #34

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Great post! As a nursery nurse I always used these methods and they do work really well, if you say "don't run" your putting the idea to run into their head its like a red rag to a bull, if someone says to you whatever you do you mustnt look in this box even as an adult more then anything you now want to look in the box when you may never have even thought of looking in that particualar box until you were told you couldn't! By saying what you want and not what you don't want your putting the idea of what you want into their minds and are far more likely to get the desired result so ask them to walk nicely instead.

    I intend to bring Kara up in the same way but I think I will have a hard time with it as my husband is one of these respect through fear, big believer in physical disipline types but I have told him Kara wont be brought up like that and I feel strong enough about it for Kara's sake to leave if he wont respect my wishes!!!



  5. #35

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Brilliant post, Kalia.

    I read it a while ago and when looking after my step nephew the other day, he kept running away from me and finding it funny because I was flapping. Then I thought about this thread, came down to his level and said something about him walking instead of running because he could fall and hurt himself and how we didn't want that to happen. He's probably too young to understand but he stopped running and walked quickly from then on
    Oh and in the swimming baths he kept running away from me in the shallow baby pool and trying to climb up the slide, I led him away by his hand and told him that if he climbs up the slide, somebody might slide into him and he'd fall and hurt himself. He either understood or got distracted by another little boys football because he stopped persistently climbing
    More than likely on my iPad, excuse any typos!

  6. #36

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Hi ladies, since the smacking post im thinking i should maybe be a little prepared on the discipline front and i also want OH to be doing the same thing. Can you recommend 1 good book. Ive put a few things into practice from reading this post but i think OH would do better with a book i will make him read (hes not one to hit but doesnt have my patience).

    Also, my friend is having serious problems with her LO hitting her (she doesnt smack) all she feels she can do is time out and explaining. There really isnt anything else you can do is there? I know its upsetting her as her LO is such a nice boy the majority of the time.



    Had a succesful VBAC.. any questions just ask!

    I apologise for short replies. im not being rude i just have a crazy household these days and cant type much!

  7. #37

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Nori, I really liked Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. As far as I remember, the first half is a challenge on more traditional discipline techniques and the second is more practical advice about how to approach parenting. It gave me the basis for how I parent anyway, it made me think about a lot
    Mum to Oliver (8) and Poppy (5)


  8. #38

    Re: Positive Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by daftscotslass
    Funny you posted that... I said something to Becky the other day and thought "damn, I sound like I'm at work"... dunno if that's a good thing or a bad thing Not to mention that the kids at work keep calling me mum...
    This is a GOOD thing I think. I use all my teaching techniques on Flod and find myself explaining to Jim how to use them because he asked how I get her to behave so well when all he seems to do is shout at her and it doesn't achieve anything
    Rebecca Xx


    Blog is HERE - UPDATE 18/06 "OFF THE RAILS!!!"

  9. #39

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Thanks Kelly, will get it.

    Any tips from anyone for my friend?



    Had a succesful VBAC.. any questions just ask!

    I apologise for short replies. im not being rude i just have a crazy household these days and cant type much!

  10. #40

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    In my OP I was talking about my step nephew understanding me when using gentle discipline? Well, I haven't read any books or studied into it THAT much, just Kalia's OP.

    His mum asked me the other day how I get him to listen to me. She said he just ignores her. So I told her about it and said we'd wait for him to do something he shouldn't be and I'd show her. It wasn't long before he was bashing on the glass table with something, so I took it from him and knelt down beside him and told him that we shouldn't bash the table because it could smash and hurt us, at this point he was clinging on to the thing he was bashing it with, but let it go and walked away to play with his toys.

    His mum was laughing and saying she didn't think he'd understand, but he does understand. Same goes for him touching my laptop, he knows not to but occasionally his hand wanders and strokes a key, he doesn't bother at all now and if he does, he's looking up at me waiting for me to tell him he shouldn't touch.

    Gentle discipline any day, it's fantastic
    More than likely on my iPad, excuse any typos!

  11. #41

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    hi ladies, me again.. im reading unconditional parenting by Alfie Kohn and a few chapters in. The whole not praising too much is making sense (if you read it you will know what i mean) BUT i dot think its something i would want to NOT do. Im always telling Ollie how clever he is and i clap him lots. hmmm.. i never thought it would do any harm..

    Anyone else read this book and actually stopped praising their child?



    Had a succesful VBAC.. any questions just ask!

    I apologise for short replies. im not being rude i just have a crazy household these days and cant type much!

  12. #42

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    I haven't read the book but personally I think that type of praise and encouragment is a good thing.

    Imo it can be overdone though in other ways. For example, lots of people use stickers, chocolate buttons or whatever to get their child to sit on the potty, eat their dinner etc. Fine in the early days but if you carry on with it for too long you risk getting a child who will refuse to sit on the potty without a reward. I suppose children need to learn to do everyday things without always being rewarded but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be praised for good behaviour or learning something new.

    Probably the first time he crawled you clapped your hands and said clever boy but you don't do it everytime he does it now

    Is this the type of thing it means?
    Is the book any good? I might have a look at it, sounds interesting.

  13. #43

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    ok a quote: "one basic need all children have is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they are accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments , rewards and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us". He gives lots of research showing the problems caused by children believeing they have to earn our approval.

    Its really interesting.. please read it so we can discuss!



    Had a succesful VBAC.. any questions just ask!

    I apologise for short replies. im not being rude i just have a crazy household these days and cant type much!

  14. #44

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    I'll definitely read it afterwards if that's ok Claire (I always want to call you Nori when we're on here, feels weird). Anyway, I praise Lucy for everything, she has such a tiny appetite that I make a big deal when she eats . I don't know enough, having not read the book and I don't really see how praise can do harm, but I was avery much a reward orientated child. I'd do anything to rewards, not even tangible ones. I loved bing thanked, told well done etc.

  15. #45

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by NickyB
    I'll definitely read it afterwards if that's ok Claire (I always want to call you Nori when we're on here, feels weird). Anyway, I praise Lucy for everything, she has such a tiny appetite that I make a big deal when she eats . I don't know enough, having not read the book and I don't really see how praise can do harm, but I was avery much a reward orientated child. I'd do anything to rewards, not even tangible ones. I loved bing thanked, told well done etc.
    I know thats what i thought until i read this.. i can see what hes saying but i cant see me stopping the praises.. may think differently when im at the end of the book.



    Had a succesful VBAC.. any questions just ask!

    I apologise for short replies. im not being rude i just have a crazy household these days and cant type much!

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