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Thread: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

  1. #16

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Having read this post i decided to put it to the test (didnt realise i would have to for a while).

    I was looking after my friends little boy and he was in his walker. He kept trying to get the wine bottles out of the rack I started off by saying "careful..dont touch them" but he kept going back. I then said "careful because if they come out they may hurt you and we dont want you getting hurt". He didnt go back to them after that! I have no idea if it was a flook or not but it worked that time round.

    I think my biggest challenge will be getting OH to discipline the same way. He's not very strict but having spoken with him about this he thinks i need to get myself some insense burning and a banjo (yes.. hes a tad narrowminded! I was the same though.)

    Claire x



    Had a succesful VBAC.. any questions just ask!

    I apologise for short replies. im not being rude i just have a crazy household these days and cant type much!

  2. #17

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Im going to start binging this into my household - all i do at the moment is shout at my two and they are shouting back and its a big shouting fest and im fed up of it and so are they

    Having seen this only now thanks for putting it up - im guna have a read and start to bring it in the house today.

  3. #18

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by mrs_tommo22
    Im going to start binging this into my household - all i do at the moment is shout at my two and they are shouting back and its a big shouting fest and im fed up of it and so are they

    Having seen this only now thanks for putting it up - im guna have a read and start to bring it in the house today.
    Good luck.. let us know how you get on..

    Clairex



    Had a succesful VBAC.. any questions just ask!

    I apologise for short replies. im not being rude i just have a crazy household these days and cant type much!

  4. #19

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Becky went through a phase of that too, Brooke. I think it's pretty impossible for them to understand at that age that what they're doing is hurting you so really it's a case of distraction or ignoring. Worked for me!



  5. #20

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    I really respect how my Dad (he was a single parent) managed me. He hardly ever, almost never, rose to any arguments. If I was having a teenage tantrum type of thing, he'd just say 'whatever you think, Nicola' and walk off downstairs. I really want to be like that when my LOs are older.

    I do try to be like this these days with DH, but sometimes can't resist rising to it.

  6. #21

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Moss, Olivia does this as well and it HURTS! I just keep removing her hand and saying, 'we don't pull hair, Olivia, it isn't nice'. She does seem to be doing it less, (well, less painfully), but that is probably just wishful thinking on my part. I think it is because I do it consistently - whether it is my hair she is pulling or someone else's so the message is getting through not to do it.

    I don't know how you would manage this with him on your back though? I would advise giving him a toy to play with/chew on but if he is anything like Olivia it will just get bounced off of the back of your head!!

  7. #22

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by moss
    it's just the keeping calm when he is doing it at a particularly bad time that is difficult.
    I hear you! I have had to suck back a swear word or two when she has yanked particularly hard...

  8. #23

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Thank you for posting. I will take the time to read it properly. I tend to do this with my son anyway. My husband thinks differently and tends to do the opposite, but I know he doesn't mean it in a bad way. I will show him this and hopefully will convince him that this is a better alternative.

  9. #24
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    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Fab description Kalia. I would agree.

    I work with very young children and I would also add that I have learnt......

    Positive discipline means using your tone of voice wisely. Even a very young baby will pick up on stern, deep voices as opposed to pleased, high, happy ones.

    Proximity praise - works if you have more than one child - ignore the child behaving in a way you don't like and praise the one who is behaving in a way you like. It's amazing how quickly this works with young children!

    ALWAYS follow through when you give children a choice, and try and make things their choice as much as possible, however odd you may sound i.e. 'You can sit down here now and then have an ice cream later, OR you can not sit down and CHOOSE not to have an ice cream." A bit of a crude example, I know, but you catch my drift!

    It's taken me 9 years to get the hang of this lark when teaching....I wonder how long it will take me as a parent?
    Amy x




  10. #25
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    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by ibuellie
    It's always worth remembering to use phrases like 'we'll clean up together now' rather than 'would you like to help me clean up?' Another classic is to use 'thanks' at the end of an instruction rather than 'please' at the front. The idea being that 'please' still suggests they have a choice where as 'thanks' implies that there is no question that they're going to do what you ask. You can often even trick teenagers into doing stuff with that one.
    Though, given what I said about choices - I agree with this as well. The choice is more if they have already started to misbehave - i.e. the right choice + reward vs the 'wrong' choice = no reward. It's like someone saying to me "You can pay your mortgage and continue to live in your house OR you can choose not to pay your mortgage and have the house repossesed"
    Amy x




  11. #26
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    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    I agree with everything above
    Amy x




  12. #27

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by Lou
    What I tend to do is give Isaac choices but I make sure I am happy for him to choose any of them For example if he won't put his coat on i'll say "you can put your coat on in here then go outside, or you can wait till we are outside and then put your coat on". He then thinks he is making all the decisions but really I have won because no matter what he chooses he is going to have his coat on!

    I do also allow him to think about choices sometimes too. For example he keeps asking for ice cream between meals. He knows he is not allowed it apart from for his afters only as a treat every few days or so. When he asks for it between meals I say "you can have ice cream after dinner when mummy says or mummy will have to throw the ice cream away and then you won't have it at all" then I tell him to think about it. He never asks for it again until after dinner. But then he will still try his luck again the next day and be given the same reply from me and my response never changes, he still asks though For this reason I have had to banish all cookies and crisps and chocolate from the house, if its not in the cupboard he can't have it!

    I've learnt that with children you need to remember that we are alot more clever than they are and with the help of careful negotiation, distraction and kind manipulation you can achieve most things without stress and drama Its often with me a case of having the time and patience to put these techniques into action I naturally have little patience but its something I am working on and have been since Isaac was born. Patience is so important when it comes to kids I think.
    I think this is brilliant.

  13. #28

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by moss
    So what do you do to try to start teaching an eight month old not to pull your hair SO HARD that it brings tears to your eyes? Jacob likes to play nicely with my hair to get to sleep, but when he isn't trying to relax, he will often tear it out.
    Kenzo does it too. And I was wondering, what's the best age to start disciplining a child?

  14. #29
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    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by laetitia85
    Quote Originally Posted by moss
    So what do you do to try to start teaching an eight month old not to pull your hair SO HARD that it brings tears to your eyes? Jacob likes to play nicely with my hair to get to sleep, but when he isn't trying to relax, he will often tear it out.
    Kenzo does it too. And I was wondering, what's the best age to start disciplining a child?


    I'd use your voice - I would try and stop him and in say "No. Don't do that, it hurts Mummy." in a firm tone. The same way you if a child was biting you when BFing. If he lets go on his own, thank him and make a fuss of him Keep going and he should learn eventually that you don't like it when he pulls, but you do like it when he stops.
    I think you can start showing them the behaviour you like from a very young age - lots of positive praise!! Babies learn to smile through positive reinfocement, and that's usually very young!
    Amy x




  15. #30

    Re: Positive Discipline / Gentle Discipline

    Quote Originally Posted by moss
    So what do you do to try to start teaching an eight month old not to pull your hair SO HARD that it brings tears to your eyes?
    Since Oliver was about 7 months old I started teaching him 'gentle' - when he pinched/hit me or pulled my hair I would take his hand and stroke it along my face/hair saying "gentle gentle" and smiling. It didn't take him long to pick up on it and he would usually stop hurting me and stroke me instead when I said gentle gentle.

    Now if he's being too rough I just say "no ***ing please, it hurts mummy. Show me gentle" and he will stop and stroke me, and I will tell him how nice it feels and how kind he's being in a slightly over the top way! He doesn't often hurt me now because he doesn't get much of a reaction, and it's lovely when he's just feeding or sitting on my knee and starts stroking my cheek or hair I can also tell him to be gentle if I can see he's about to hit somebody, or with plants/animals etc and he will touch them softly. Now that he's older I offer him an alternative too, if he's in a hitting mood we'll hit cushions, play skittles or build towers for him to knock down.

    I would practice it with him while he's on your knee or feeding, or you're just on the floor playing with him, and then once he's got the idea try it when he's on your back.
    Mum to Oliver (8) and Poppy (5)


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